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I still remember the blog post I wrote on my previous, old blog titled ‘Confidence is the new beautiful,’ the amount of response I received from the people who read the post was amazing but also shocking. I say shocking because it was like they weren’t expecting me to write something like that, like they weren’t expecting the words ‘confidence’ and ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence.

This is understandable to some extent because as soon as you hear the word ‘beautiful’ people assume it has to do with what you have on your face or what you wear. 9/10 times it is never to do with what is on the inside.

It is about time to change this, especially as we are entering into a new decade.

I want to talk about confidence today. I want to talk about how to feel confident in yourself and how to not let society take your confidence away.

I know this is going to sound cliché, but confidence really does start from within. It starts with feeling at peace with yourself, being in love with yourself and lastly discovering who you are.

From as young as I can remember, people have always seen me as this loud and confident girl. I am pretty sure anyone who knows me in real life feels the same way. As the years have gone by I’ve learnt not to confuse loudness with confidence.

Just because I like to be the loudest voice in the room doesn’t necessarily mean I am the most confident. In fact I used my loud voice as a way to cover my insecurities, because I had no idea who I really was.

So, it was easier to cover my confusion with my extremely loud voice.

Now that I am on a journey, literally almost everyday discovering myself, I know the true meaning of confidence. Confidence is about knowing WHO YOU ARE. It is about knowing your likes and dislikes, the passions you have, the types of people you like to be around and it is also about knowing who you are NOT.

This means you recognise the signs when you are not acting like yourself, you know deep down inside the type individual you are and you have the confidence to know better.

It doesn’t come easily however to discover who you are. It certainly doesn’t happen overnight, it is something that gradually happens. It is a journey, a journey that’s doesn’t have a specific destination.

I am still working towards completing that journey and I actually hope I never complete it, because it is honestly the best thing discovering yourself.

How to feel confident in yourself also means validating yourself. This means knowing so much who you are that nobody can come around and tell you something different.

Looking back, I used to let so many outside voices get into my head, I used to let them tear me down and sometimes bring me back up.

I didn’t have the strength to carry myself, and I am not saying that people cannot help carry you when you are losing your way, but when you constantly need and desire somebody to remind you how amazing you are because you cannot remember yourself, this is a sign of needing to work on yourself.

Validation shouldn’t come from anyone else but yourself. Once you start listening to other people on who you are supposed to be, you start to give them the pen to your life.

The individual who should really be holding the pen is YOU.

Actually in all honesty, the individual who should be holding the pen is God. He is the Author of all things and He created you which means He is the only person who truly knows who you are.

Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as prophet to the nations.”

Like it says so perfectly in this bible verse, God knew us while we were in the womb. Can you just imagine that? He knew the type person you would become before you were even born!

So, instead of having confidence in what other people are saying about you, have confidence in what God says about you.

He says you are beautiful inside and out, He says we have an amazing seed inside of us and a great destiny.

Ladies, I also have to tell you please don’t let any man tell who you are or completely shape the woman you are to become.

I am not saying he cannot walk the journey with you, but he definitely shouldn’t be taking the lead. I will always say this, ‘date yourself before you date anyone else!’

A guy cannot give you any more confidence than you can give yourself.

This leads me to the next point I want to make, which is all about keeping/maintaining that confidence and not letting society take it away from you.

Society loves to tell us that the only way we could possibly be confident is by wearing a face of make-up or by the clothes we wear. Society loves to tear us down from the outside.

I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to tell society I AM TIRED!!!!

I want to be so confident in myself that whenever society tries to tear me down, I yell NO! Because I know who I am.

The way to not let society take away your confidence is to not let society define you. For example, you when I say create your own definition of beautiful, you should do this with anything.

If society tells you can’t be black, female and write (yes personal I know) change that definition and prove them wrong.

You need to have so much confidence that you begin to laugh at society. When society tells you are not good enough, laugh, when society tells you are not pretty enough, laugh and when society tells you are not strong enough, LAUGH.

Confidence doesn’t have to be arrogant, it doesn’t mean you don’t listen to advice and try to grow as a person.

However, it doesn’t mean you let people put their own definition on you and you then take it as truth.

Don’t let anybody or anyone tell you who are or who you are to become unless it is the King of all Kings.

I hope you all have enjoyed reading this blog post. I can’t believe this is the last post of 2019!! I want to thank you all for the support I have received for Esthessentials.

I know I have been inconsistent at times but by the Grace of God this is all going to change in the new decade.

If you have not checked out my ‘Soft Glam tutorial’ and my ‘Nude/Brown lip tutorial’ please click on the link below:


See you in 2020!

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