• estherokusaga

IDENTITY CRISIS

Recently I have been feeling as though I haven’t been doing enough. It is almost like I can see a flash/glimpse of my future, but I am nowhere near it.

Is that a bad thing, probably not? After all I am only 21 years old and I have the rest of my life ahead of me you could say…

However, when you constantly hear ‘YOUR 20’s ARE WHAT DEFINE YOU!’ It becomes the thing you can’t stop thinking about.

There are these voices that pop into my head from time to time saying: ‘you are not doing enough, or look at what your peers are doing and what are you doing. Nothing.’

I have mentioned these kinds of voices before in my ‘Dangers of Comparison’ blog post, if you haven’t had a read yet then you can do so by looking through the rest of my blog.

It is annoying because I thought I had finally got to a place where those voices no longer exist. But, I don’t think there will ever be a time where they don’t come up in my mind, especially because of the world we live in today.

Life is always going to be full of ups and downs, one of those downs includes how sometimes you can feel inadequate.

I don’t know if you all know this, I am not in University right now because of some exams I have to do. I decided to use this time as a year off where I can refocus and have some breathing room away from the anxiety I was feeling.

As a result of this, I suddenly felt like everything was uncertain. I am graduating a year later than my peers and my plans have been pushed back.

Of course this isn’t the end of the world and this is something that needed to be done for my well-being, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m failing or guilty.

I wake up every single day and do the same thing. Revise, chill and repeat. Yes I have other plans in the works, things I want to do, but this isn’t something I want to mention just yet.

All these thoughts that are going around in my head, a hundred miles an hour have made me forget what my identity is.

It has made me forget my identity in Christ.

It has made me forget that there is a purpose and plan in this journey God has placed me on.

When those voices enter into my mind, it silences the voice of God. The voice that tells me ‘He knew me from my mother’s womb and He knows what I am to become.’ Everything that is going on now is all part of His beautiful plan.

You have to remember that your identity is not in the things of this world, the world wants to make you believe you are not making progress because you aren’t showing your accomplishments online, you don’t have masses of compliments or you don’t have an amazing job. When in reality you are making progress on the INSIDE. What people don’t realise is that just because it isn’t showing on the outside doesn’t mean it isn't real.

I realised I am making progress. I am moving at the pace God wants me to move at.

Something amazing that Breeny Lee said in her latest YouTube video: ‘Don’t let the internet rush you.’

She said: "Somebody else's chapter 6 could be your chapter 26.”

Where I am right now is where I am meant to be. I need to be patient and trust that image God saw from day one will come to pass.

If you ever forget who you are, remember God knows who you are and don’t be pressured to change who you are because the world is shouting at you.

You are essential and don’t ever forget that!

I hope you have enjoyed reading this blog post! Please check out my ‘How I really feel about the beauty world’ post and my Instagram. (Esther_okusaga) and (Esthessentials_)

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